I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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