UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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