You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
