a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
