can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
