She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
