This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His nipple licking is glorious
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