Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
