So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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