My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
