I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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