she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
