drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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