i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
