WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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