I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
