Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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