I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
