I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
