i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
