you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
