Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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