Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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