I heard we made out
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
