I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
