he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
