Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
