i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
