Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
