ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
