i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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