I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
