I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
