Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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