Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
