Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
