Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
