this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
