at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
