I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
