theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
