i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize