I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
