Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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