whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
