After last night, I could never be a politician.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
