So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
