I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
