i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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