Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
