yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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