i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
