3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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