I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
