I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
