I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
