I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
