He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
