I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
